Home Ownership

I'm proud to say that I recently purchased my first home. Understand, the house itself was built in 1899. Part of the charm is all of the original woodwork. But this was the first house that I ran across that had all of the cool parts of owning an older home without any of the hassle of trying to keep it up because all of the broken crap had already been replaced.

Imagine my surprise when 3 weeks after moving in I turned on the garbage disposal only to have all of the relatively new plumbing under the kitchen sink inexplicably explode, followed by a deluge of onion and potato pieces ALL OVER the kitchen not to mention a good portion in my face when I opened the cupboard doors to see what the hell was going on.

Don't for a minute think this is a rant about home maintenance. Despite spending 2 years in an apartment without ever ONCE having to call maintenance I fully expected to have something happen that I'd have to deal with. Maybe not 3 weeks after moving in but I expected something nonetheless. No this is a rant about all of the people that I related this story to who promptly said, "Welcome to the joys of homeownership." All of those people need to rot in hell. If you were thinking that while you read this, I effing hate you.

The joys of owning a home include painting walls without having to paint them back later. Or hanging pictures without having to worry about filling holes. Or knocking down walls, buying appliances, having a yard, and not worrying about being too loud. Yes for these pleasant experiences you have to take on the maintenance yourself but believe me when I say that while its no picnic its even worse when all of the bitter homeowners who've had their own catastrophes practically cackle in glee at your misfortune. Your first home accident inducts you into a club of bitter misanthropists. It's like crawling into a room broken and bleeding from an attack only to find it filled with people who've had their kneecaps bashed in laughing their asses off at you. They all know how much it sucks but they're goddamn thrilled that you now know too.